Golden Rules and Tips

At What age can I start using the reward chart with my child?

Every child is different but the general rule is any time from 3 years of age onwards. If a child can associate getting kisses, cuddles or treats for doing something that makes parents happy then they are ready for a reward chart.

Remember that very young children can get overwhelmed if they have to achieve a large number of stars. It is too much for their little minds to process. There are a few simple printable reward charts you can download for free on internet.

For children around 4 to 5 years old use the chart to encourage anything from brushing teeth to working with siblings or just remembering to say please and thank you.
Kids love living by rules and no need to guess what is expected of them from parents. It gives them certainty and control over their world.

What rewards should I offer?
The key is that it has to be something that motivates your child but it should not be anything extravagant. Try holding off on something that your child normally enjoys doing/having and then reintroduce it as way of a reward.

Three important principles which guarantee the success of reward charts

Be Positive
Positive incentives are extremely effective in behaviour change. Negative comments, criticism and punishment can badly effect children's self-esteem and close children off to positive learning opportunities. The reward chart allows parents to emphasise the positives in their child's behaviour.

Be Consistent
Be consistent in reinforcing good behaviour.This will show your child that you mean business when using the charts and help gain and maintain their trust in the reward system, and in turn maintain their focus and motivation.

Be realistic
The chart needs to be achievable in relation to the child's age and development.Take into consideration your child's age along with their physical and emotional stages of development.

Critical Principles And Golden Tips

Keep it simple. Explain the chart ahead of time. Keep the charts in a highly visible place so they can be seen as a constant and positive reminder.

Choose the rewards ahead of time. This will allow your child to feel involved and help create an ownership over the process.

Keep promises. When you follow through on your promises, good or bad, your child learns to trust and respect you.

Stay positive and concentrate on praising success
Involve your child before you start using a chart - they must want to tackle the issue and must also understand how the chart is going to work

Be specific when setting tasks. Inappropriate tasks may include "be good" or "be nice to your brother" or "help parents" , these tasks take power away from your child because they are very subjective and the parent is the judge of whether it has happened or not. Stick to things your child can measure and feel a sense of accomplishment for.

Ensure that all carers are rewarding the child consistently (eg. parents, grandparents, babysitters, child minders etc.)

Try to notice any good behaviours, even small ones.
Let your child know that you have confidence he or she will behave well and achieve the rewards.
Don't wait for perfect behaviour to praise your child.

Pointing out the chart to relatives and friends is also a great way to reward your child and draw attention to their good behaviour. This works best with younger children.

Make gaining a star easy at first. Your child needs to see how much fun using a reward chart can be. Targets can be made harder as time goes by. Some parents start the day with a star to ease the "empty chart" feeling. If you decide to take stars away for bad behaviour this gives you a platform from the moment the day begins.

Be flexible. If the chart doesn't seem to be working, rethink the targets that you have set and ensure relevance to the child.

If you have any serious concerns regarding your child's behaviour, always consult a professional such as a GP, mental health practitioner, teacher etc.

What is Normal Behavior Anyway?

It may depend on the child's age, personality, and physical and emotional development. Normal, or appropriate, behaviour is usually determined by whether it is socially, culturally and developmentally appropriate. Knowing what to expect from your child at each age will help you decide whether his or her behaviour is normal.

Generally children tend to continue a behaviour when it has a pleasant consequence attached to it or it is rewarded, and stop a behaviour when it is ignored.

Some problems are short-lived and are appropriate to the stage of development of the child. You may need to be a little flexible. For example there is a limit to how early a child can be taught how to use a toilet or dress him or herself.

You can stop insignificant but annoying behaviours by ignoring them and
Introducing new preferable behaviours and then reinforcing or rewarding your child.

Some Additional Behaviour Modification Strategies:
The reward chart is so powerful that it's about the only thing you will ever need to raise well behaved children but I have included some other common ideas here. The reward chart incorporates the best elements of each of these methods:

Modeling or Observational Learning
A child naturally observes and models the behaviours of those closest to them so watch what you are doing around your child. Set a constant, positive example for your kids.

Positive Reinforement
Positive reinforcement can shape behaviour by providing the child with a pleasant consequence for engaging in a desired behaviour. This is the basis of the reward chart.

Recognise and respond when a child has made an effort and ignore bad or inappropriate behaviours. Remember attention is a powerful reinforcer for children. Often we overlook desired behaviours because they are not troublesome, and respond more often to undesired behaviours. This reward strategy, used along with the principles of positive reinforcement, can help break the "negative cycle" we often experience with parenting.

Time-Out/Loss of Privileges
Time-out involves removing children from an extreme situation following a negative behaviour such as tantrums or aggressive outbursts. This can help children calm down, it helps you re-establish control, it usually ends the inappropriate behaviour and allows the parent and the child to re-enter the situation in a positive way.When the time-out is over, don't discuss the bad behaviour but look for ways to reward and reinforce good behaviour later on.

Note that research suggests that the pleasant consequences experienced through positive reinforcement may be a more powerful motivation for children, rather than the punishment of time-out or loss of priviledges.

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